If you are transphobic –meaning, if you suffer from an aversion to, fear of or disdain for transgender/nonbinary people – I have a few things for you to think about. As the proud mom of a transgender daughter, I believe I can clear up some misconceptions for you. You have the opportunity to be liberated from the aforementioned afflictions and walk this planet as a better, more evolved human being. Sounds good, right? So, let’s go.
(*Note: for the purposes of brevity, I’ll often be using the acronym TGNB to reference transgender and nonbinary people.)
First things first, people do not choose to be transgender or nonbinary, just like folks don’t choose their eye color. Also, gender is not binary but runs a spectrum of identities and expressions. This is established science. To deny it is akin to denying that the earth is round. Further, gender dysphoria–distress caused by on ongoing incongruence between how an individual experiences gender and that which was assigned at birth–is a real medical condition. TGNB people are not just making shit up.
The process of transitioning is unique to every TGNB person and encompasses a wide range, from social transitioning to hormone replacement therapy to surgical reassignment. Gender affirming care, whatever it looks like, is truly lifesaving. And to deny it is violence. How a person chooses to transition is a personal matter. It’s nobody else’s business. Further, concerning yourself with what’s inside someone else’s pants is just weird.
There’s a whole lot of hoopla about TGNB people and bathrooms, especially transgender women using women’s bathrooms. For some reason, their presence in public bathrooms is perceived as a threat. Perhaps a quick refresher in male entitlement will help assuage this irrational fear. If a cisgender male wants to go into a women’s restroom for nefarious purposes, such as sexual assault, he’ll just go in there and do it. He won’t go to the trouble of putting on a dress or make-up or a wig or whatever. Transphobes will be relieved to learn that the dolls (and all other TSNB people) are simply taking a piss. Most women and girls are more at risk around a youth pastor or a choir director than a trans woman sharing the bathroom. Kapish?
Moving on. TGNB people are not the reason your gas is expensive or your grocery bills are outrageous. They’re not stealing resources meant for you. They have no agenda for indoctrinating your children. However, this may be what you’ve been led to believe. The term is called “othering,” and this is a strategy that targets marginalized people and creates a narrative that characterizes them as inherently bad, dangerous, abnormal and ultimately to blame for any number of societal woes. This is a popular modus operandi for right wing extremists, such as the current administration. If they can lead you to believe that Blacks or Muslims or Immigrants or TGNB people are coming for what’s yours, then that takes focus away from the things they’re doing that are actually harming all of, like starting illegal wars around the world, or covering up an international pedophile ring or opening data centers that pollute our neighborhoods. Don’t be fooled.
TGNB people make up roughly 1% of the population. However, politicians at all levels are spending inordinate amounts of time and tax dollars to create anti-trans legislation that takes away freedoms, invades privacies, criminalizes gender affirming care and basically makes life as difficult as possible for people who have done nothing wrong. Meanwhile, millions of Americans are losing health care, SNAP benefits are being cut and the climate crisis is rapidly accelerating. Somehow, a gender marker on passport carries more urgency than children going hungry or getting shot up in schools. This is the “othering” in action.
Again, fixation on what is going on in other people’s pants is just weird.
TGNB people work, pay taxes, pick up their kids from school and contribute to their communities. Just like we all do. For transphobes, why is this a problem for you? And please, before you go there, we’re not going to entertain any biblical mumbo jumbo here. For one, the Bible is full of all kinds of goofy shit. For two, we are not a Christian nation. If you don’t believe me, read up on the establishment clause. But even if were to apply Christianity to this matter, how would cruelty align with the teachings of Jesus? Also, isn’t there something about God making humans in its own image? Just saying…
The public discourse on TGBN people is fraught with misinformation and intentionally misleading assertions. TGBN folks pay a heavy price because of it. They’re demeaned, degraded and relentlessly scrutinized. Their fundamental rights and basic safety are precarious. As such, they’re more vulnerable to substance abuse, mental health issues, violence, homicide and suicide. This is unacceptable, and it is incumbent on all of us to correct these dangerous narratives.
Sometimes it is human nature to believe that things we don’t understand are inherently bad. But we know that’s not true. If you are a transphobe, I would like to invite you to reclaim your mind and recalibrate your heart. Muster compassion. Try curiosity. Lean in. Dig deeper. Do better. Be better.
