A SAMPLING

EXPRESSION

Her terse expression said it all. There would be no sex tonight. He’d brought home chicken and put on clean pants. He’d even replaced the batteries in the remote without her asking. But still, she was disinterested in his romantic offerings. He took another sip of Mountain Dew and thought hard. Maybe he should have wiped off the counter or cleaned the litter box. She was such a confusing mystery. If he could only figure out which chore would grant him the keys to the city.

RHINOPLASTY

Eugene was resolute. He would not pay for a third Rhinoplasty. “You already look like a duck,” he reasoned, “This freak show is breaking the bank.” But his wife begged and cajoled. She only wanted a few finishing touches. Tired of her endless haranguing, Eugene considered his options. He watched videos on You Tube and researched over-the-counter anesthetics. “How hard could this be?” he thought to himself, “It’s not like it’s brain surgery.”

SHENANIGANS

Karl finished his orange juice, put on his scrubs and made his way to the ER. He wondered what shenanigans they would get into tonight; which body parts he would have to stitch up, what objects he’d have to remove, what lifeless hearts he would have to resurrect. He knew there would be sorrow, urgency, anger and relief. Some would pray. Some would punch a hole in the wall. Some would freeze. Humanity was such a quagmire.

PROPAGANDA

Barney stood perplexed in front of the many bins. He started to put his empty coffee cup into one bin but reconsidered. Was it the green one or the blue one? He studied the signs with the little pictures of litter and food. His brain ran around in unwieldy circles. “This is all propaganda,” he sighed to himself as he threw his cup on the ground.

NAMSASTE

Debbie knew that despite his “Namaste” this and “Namaste” that, Doug was actually an asshole. He yelled at the dog, left his socks and underwear strewn around the house and never helped with the dishes. She watched him smiling and nodding at everyone. This picnic was a farce, and these people were fools. She’d out the son-of-a-bitch someday. The world needed to know the truth.